If a tree falls in The SoChi District and you’re the only person around, does it make a sound? YES! And it’s very loud. It sounds like crushing metal … especially if it falls on two Mini Coopers. Luckily I avoided a “wicked witch of the west” experience as the tree fell exactly where I’d been standing only seconds before. It wasn’t my time.

It’s that time of year again. My wife & kids have flown the coop (a good thing since her cooper was demolished) for the summer and enjoying life in a northern town. I’m left navigating the SoChi life as a bachelor. The biggest hurdle is food. Once I’ve depleted the last of my wife’s past purchases left in the fridge & freezer it’s off to the market. To my chagrin, the Ghetto Kroger is not as easily navigated as the Starbucks drive-thru. Admittedly, I lack the shopping gene. Going to the grocery store is like looking for a raisin in a haystack. The illusive raisin, I can never find the damn things. And still, after I leave the market I can’t really make anything out of the stuff I bought. I’m not a cook. So, I depend upon the kindness of friends who do cook. This IS a blatant hint for dinner invitations!

Hark, the herald angels sing … In this case it was Atlanta uber publicist Toren Anderson inviting me down to Savannah for some R&R&R(estaurants.) As quick as you can say “Arriba! Arriba!” I was Speedy Gonzales-ing it down I-16. There is something about the low country that makes me happy. The majestic oaks dripping in Spanish moss wave me in like a checkerboard flag to a race car driver beckoning me in for a pit stop.

Waiting for me at the finish line was the Dresser Palmer House. Built in 1876 this inn boasts that it’s front porch is the longest in Historic Savannah. Upon check-in I was taken on a fascinating tour of the house, which was a history lesson & architectural tour rolled into one. I indeed won the race because my prize was the Johnny Mercer Suite, named for the famed American lyricist who was born in Savannah. It’s the largest room in the inn with wall-tall windows that you can walk through to enjoy the balcony that overlooks E. Gaston Street. Home is where the hearth is and I was glad that my hearth was the Dresser Palmer House.

The fallen tree didn’t crush my luck as I made a few foodie homeruns while in Savannah! The first surprise was Ele Fine Fusion an elegantly modern mix of chic architecture & interior, sexy lighting, vibey world music and devastatingly divine dishes. This foodie haunt is the total package. Ele’s Spicy Tuna Tartare (spelled “Tar Tar” on the menu) has got to be Savannah’s Best Bite! This dish will be served in Heaven as it perfection on a plate.

Leoci’s Trattoria was a quick walk from the Dresser Palmer House. Chef Roberto Leoci serves authentic Italian cuisine with Savannah’s best local ingredients. They had me at the Silician olives which were placed on the table as soon as we sat down. One thing is for sure, their Beet Salad is mind-blowing! I know, beets suck, but this spring mix is a mind-changer. So good in fact that I returned the next day to share a bit with South Magazine publisher Michael Brooks just before hitting the road for home.

No trip to Savannah would be complete without a trip to Back in the Day Bakery. Unfortunately they didn’t have my favorite veggie tarts but I stocked up on several Blueberry Pie tarts, Bourbon Bread Pudding bars, Star Brownies & Cheryl’s Brownies to bring home. I popped in one of my all-time favorite favorite Starbucks locales and grabbed a triple venti latte for the ride back to Macon.

Home & MINI-less I got an invite to the Porsche World Roadshow at Turner Field in Atlanta. Determined to decide for myself if the fabled “Porsche, there is no substitute” held water, I zoomed to Atlanta in my Nissan rental. While test driving 10 Porsches, I got my speed freak on and along the way overcame my fear of Spyders and found my true soul mate. Her name: Carrera. I can deduce that Tom Cruise was right about something. There truly is no substitute!

WEED & OTHER MIND-ALTERING SUBSTANCES

Light it up and enhale another season of WEEDS. Mondays @ 10p on Showtime.

Check out the Instagram iPhone App. Take a photo, choose from about 16 filters and then send to your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Flickr & FourSquare accounts with one touch of the “done” button. Oh yes, and it’s a Free App.

“CYourself” Post a photo of yourself with a the letter “C” in it and Showtime Networks will donate $5 to the American Cancer Society. It’s an ingenious social networking promotion for the new season of the networks’ show The Big C. If you have the Instagram app just tag it: #CYourself

FUTURE LOVE PARADISE

July 1 – 16. The cult film “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” transforms into a live musical at Theatre Macon. They are selling prop bags to complete your Rocky Horror experience at the box office for $1.00. Theatre Macon is encouraging attendees to come dressed as their favorite Rocky Horror character. When I went the other night one die-hard fan was dressed in only a bra … Dammit Janet, I love you!

July 7. The Psychedelic Furs @ The Masquerade in Atlanta. 8pm.

July 8. Big Screen Movie Night: “FIELD OF DREAMS” presented by the Macon Film Festival and the College Hill Alliance. Thursday. July 8th @ Tattnall Park. 8pm. Free Event. Bring chairs, blankets & a picnic.

July 10. Second Sunday @ Sunset. Washington Park. 7pm. Free Event. Donna Hopkins Band performing.

July 23 – Heroes Music Festival’s Battle of the Bands. Macon City Auditorium – winner will perform on stage at Heroes MF in Sept at Atlanta Motor Speedway.

July 27 – Big Screen Movie Night: “School of Rock” @ Tattnall Park. 8pm. Free Event. Air guitar contest – winner gets tickets to Bragg Jam Festival.

July 29 – 31. Gilroy Garlic Festival. Gilroy, California. The 33rd annual “Ultimate Summer Food Fair”; three days of incredible food, beverages, arts & crafts and live entertainment. 30 miles south of San Jose off Highway 101.

July 30. Bragg Jam Music Festival. 36 bands. Multi-venues. $20.

Calling all Singer/Songwriters & Bands…Gateway Macon‘s MACON MUSIC PROJECT. One winner receives a $25,000+ music production package. Deadline for entry: August 15th.
For details: ItsHotterHere.com

Sept. 8 – 11. Heroes Music Festival. Atlanta Motor Speedway.

Sept. 9 – 11. Evening of Respect. Macon, Georgia Celebrates 70 Years of Otis Redding.

Tweet-worthy quote:
“The 4th of July combines the two things Americans love most in one day: alcohol and explosives.” – David Letterman

YOUR COMMENTS ARE AMUSING & WELCOME!

I’ve begun to think that my life just might be a Fellini movie! While honing the Art of SoChilizing this past First Friday @ the Macon Arts’ opening, my life took a nose dive! One of my worst fears became a reality. My cell phone went for swim … and it was no Anita Ekberg frolicking in the Trevi Fountain kind of deal … it was a straight out Toilet Plunger! The recovery mission wasn’t all that sweet either.

You aren’t supposed to Text & Drive…well now I know there are a few other things you shouldn’t do while texting. I’ve learned my lesson! Both hands on the wheel while standing at a urinal!

With a soaked cell and all my contacts washed away, my wife & I headed to the island of Tybee for a media weekend getaway. Our spirits were soon lifted as we arrived – I mean it was like arriving in the promised land!
“There’s a lady who’s sure
All that glitters is gold
And she’s buying a Stairway to Heaven.”

Well, she not only gave us the stairway but the whole heavenly place! If you aren’t of fan of staircases….the place has an elevator! If you’re battery needs charge, an Oceanfront “Cottage” will do the trick. Tell owner Stacye Jarrell you want the SoChi Discount! Trust me…She Sells Sanctuary!

Macon’s Marriott City Center had its Grand Opening this past week…it was Grand indeed! If you see Kathy Hoskins of Bright Ideas Group, pat her on the back for a job well done!

Wednesday night we were “Jumpin’ with Johnny” @ The Douglass Theatre was just that! The Kim Polote Trio brought their Savannah talent and paid tribute to the music of the great Johnny Mercer. Check out the Johnny Mercer “Too Marvelous for Words” exhibit at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame.

How do you spell SUCCESS? Can you use it in a sentence? Yes, “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee @ Theatre Macon was a huge success!” Kudos to Katy Thompson who directed this hilarious play. I was one of four people plucked out of the audience and thrown in with the cast and put to the test. Lots of fun! Thankfully they finally found a word I couldn’t nail so I was able to enjoy the remaining minutes with my family in the audience.

I want my MTV! …. I mean LOGO-TV! Maconite Carrie Preston’s “Ready? OK!” is making its television premiere. Sunday November 15th, 10pm on LOGO.

A Shout Out to the folks at the Apple iPhone help desk! They successfully helped me retrieve ALL of my contacts, phone numbers & email addresses that were flushed down the toilet last week! And thanks also to film director Frederico Fellini for inspiring a word I can really identify with: “Felliniesque!”

La Dolce Vita !

* “Felliniesque” – adj. Used to describe a certain circus-like representation of modern life

HOLIDAY WHORING

Let The SoChi Companies plan your holiday event. 478-238-6630.

Great Gift idea for the vain people in your life: BOCHOX from Spa Medical . These $5 chocolates are sure to make you forget about those wrinkles … for at least a few minutes!

Check out “Macon on the Cheap.”
Your Ticket to the Best Deals on Restaurants, Shopping and Events in Macon.

Too busy or not talented enough to decorate for the holidays? Call Unforgettable Flowers & Gifts. They’ll do it all for you. They also rent fully decorated Christmas trees for the month of December. 478-405-8132

FUTURE LOVE PARADISE

Poster The Goodwill Gala “A Night in Atlantis” Friday, Nov. 20th @ 7pm. The Anderson Conference Center. Black Tie. $100 per person.

Christmas in Historic Stanislaus. A strolling candlelight Holiday Tour of historic Stanislaus homes. Dec 3rd, 4th & 5th. $20. For Tickets, call 478-258-9303 or email historicstanislaus@gmail.com

Fly South Fest. On Dec. 5th, Pigs Will Fly! The first annual regional Music & BBQ festival @ Luther Williams Field, Macon.

Vineville Christmas Tour. Dec. 5th & 6th. Historic Houses that span over 100 years of architecture. $20 per person, $15 for groups of 10+. 478-745-9383.

The 15th Annual X-MAS Party . Friday, Dec. 11th @ The Tabernacle, Atlanta. Benefits the Captain Planet Foundation. Attire: Glam Rock or Cocktail. $500 VIP. $150 General Admission.